The Woke Kindergarten Final Exam
We scooped everyone again!
A San Francisco Bay Area school district gave $250,000 to a program called “Woke Kindergarten”. The program includes lessons that feature “Lil’ Comrade Convos”, imagine a world without police, money, or landlords, and call Israel “a made-up place”. The program’s founder has posted videos on social media saying that the United States and Israel have no right to exist.
I Might Be Wrong’s team of investigative reporters — in yet another major scoop of the mainstream media! — have obtained Woke Kindergarten’s end-of-year assessment exam.1 That exam is below.
Built from artwork by: Matt Cole (bird, “John”, “Miguel”, “Amari”), Wikimedia commons (hammer and sickle), Wikimedia commons (swastika), Tori Jones (clock), Pisut Tardging (bananas), Diana Johnson Velasquez (dress), Luz Eugenia (bow), Giuseppe Ramos (doll), Ardhi Creatives (mirror), Dani Hippo (woodland scene).
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I'd rather read a piece about...
1. How Biden's best economic moves are ones he doesn't talk about much [VOTE FOR THIS]
2. How Democrats blew it by not admitting the flaws in our asylum system earlier. [VOTE FOR THIS]
For the lawyers: No we didn’t, this is a bit. I looked at the actual Woke Kindergarten materials and heightened the absurdity by two percent.
I'm guessing that when most comedy writers hear about "Woke Kindergarten," they think, "That's it, I'm done. My art cannot compete with reality's insanity. I'm off to do something more rewarding, like waste manager for Newark Bay." Jeff, instead, has proved once again that he's not your average comedy writer. Well done, sir!
I think you missed the opportunity to point out that John is oppressing Miguel by making him carry the bananas, which, as we all know, are radioactive. John is giving Miguel cancer.
(Seriously, you do, in fact, get a small but measurable radiation dose from a banana, or anything else high in potassium)