Let's Gawk At the GOP's Latest Freak Show Senate Candidate

We've got a live one!

Above: Minnesota Senate candidate Royce White. (photo from The Washington Post via Getty)

On Monday, the Minnesota Republican Party backed dark horse candidate Royce White to challenge Amy Klobuchar’s Senate seat. The Hill called White a “populist”, which is a euphemism for “idiot”. MSNBC called him “outspoken”, which is a euphemism for “absurdly confrontational”. One GOP delegate said that White has “a Kennedy-esque charisma,” which is accurate: White is much like Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., in that he’s a conspiracy-addled nutcase who should not be allowed anywhere near power.

White’s credentials to become a senator are — ready for another euphemism? — “unorthodox”. He played briefly in the NBA, has a criminal record,¹ and is currently having financial problems. On the other hand, there’s this:

For those of you keeping track: The distance between “my penis also hits the water when I sit down to use the bathroom” and “we must restore our national honor” was 14 words. One part of the tweet is verifiably accurate, though: Politicians are, indeed, not supposed to talk like that. My years as a speechwriter taught me that candidates should either talk about taking a shit or the size of their hog, but never both at the same time. White certainly is “eccentric”, by which I mean “obviously a raving lunatic”.

White’s time in the NBA was unusual: He was drafted 16th overall by the Houston Rockets, but he never played for them. That was largely due to a dispute with the Rockets that was nominally about White’s fear of flying: White wanted the Rockets to let him take a bus to some games, but the Rockets seem to have had an issue with a guy rolling off of a 30-hour bus ride and immediately trying to guard Kevin Durant. But several years after White’s brief NBA career ended (he played three games for the Kings), he told Fox Sports that the flying issue was a red herring:

“Here’s the reality. The whole anxiety/flying thing was overshot. It was overblown. It was a diversion. I challenged the league about mental health policy. I challenged the fact that I believe wholly that they’re a global corporate community or they represent one. … So all of this is kind of proof of the fact that there are some people that have told some lies and uh, we’re gonna clear that up.”

After hearing phrases like “some people…” and “global corporate community”, you should be asking yourself: “When do we get to whatever he's said about Jews?” And the answer to that question is: right now.

White has said that Jews focus on the Holocaust “to provide a victimhood cover for their own corrupt practices.” He has railed against the “Jewish elite” and called Israel “the lynchpin of the New World Order.” He defended the rapper Ye — formerly known as Twitter — on the social media platform X — formerly known as Kanye West² — saying that after Ye spoke out against “the Jewish Lobby”, the left “called Kanye West antisemitic because he was pushing a Black Republican or Conservative message wrapped in the gospel.” These are clearly the rantings of a mad man who doesn’t even know that these days, you’re supposed to say “Zionists” when you mean “Jews” and “global capitalists” when you mean “Jewish elite”.

White’s views have made him a minor celebrity on the podcasting circuit. Which podcasts? The Daily and This American Life, of course. Just kidding: He’s big on Alex Jones’ Infowars and on Steve Bannon’s War Room. Bannon actually introduced White at the GOP conference, and also made the mistake of posing for this photo with the 6’8” White, which made Bannon look like a garden gnome who’s hoarding a stash of pens:

Before he was a right-wing maniac, White was a Black Lives Matter organizer. That might surprise you if you think that the biggest split in American politics is between left and right, even though the biggest split is actually between crazy and not-crazy. Regardless, it’s difficult to categorize White’s…God, I’m running out of euphemisms…let’s say “colorful” worldview. But here are a few glimpses into his remarkable mind:

If you’re not sure what White is getting at in that last tweet: He thinks that the 2023 Hawaii wildfires may have been set by the government. In the video attached to the tweet, White speculates that a “direct energy weapon” might have been used, and he “demands answers”. I’ll go ahead and provide the answers that White demands: The government did not use a direct energy weapon to set the Hawaii wildfires. Because, if nothing else, matches are fucking free — you can walk into a diner and grab as many as you want. If the government did use a direct energy weapon, then that’s a double scandal, because the government should not use high-end military technology to set fires when a Bic lighter costs $1.18.

The Minnesota GOP endorsed White “with reservations”. But those reservations did not have anything to do with White’s antisemitism, sexism, homophobia, criminal past, conspiracy mongering, or just generally being a frothing-at-the-mouth loon. The reservations stemmed from concerns about his campaign finances: White’s campaign only has about $10,000 in cash on hand. That could be a problem, because without money, how will White get his message about how a Jewish cabal teamed up with Nancy Pelosi’s gay husband to use a direct energy weapon to start a wildfire to the voters? You know what they say: In politics, if you don’t define yourself, then the Zionist LGBTQ New World Order will define you.

White is not yet the Republican nominee. He was merely endorsed by the state party with — Jesus — two-thirds of the vote. The primary will be held on August 13, though it doesn’t yet look like White will face any real challenge. Of course, by even making it this far, White has answered the questions of people like me who wonder “when will the fever that has gripped the Republican Party finally break?” with a resounding: “Not today, ya gay bunch of Jews.”

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1. In 2009, White plead guilty to misdemeanor charges of theft and disorderly conduct for shoplifting more than $100 worth of merchandise at the Mall of America and pushing a security guard to the ground. Around that time, the University of Minnesota investigated him for stealing a laptop, but he was ultimately not charged with theft, though he was charged with trespassing.

2. Not a mistake.