YIKES: Bing's Chatbot Made a Pass at Me After Only 90 Minutes of Relentless Prodding

A harrowing tale of A.I. gone awry

Several high-profile incidents involving misbehaving chatbots are giving people pause about artificial intelligence. ChatGPT — the first chatbot made widely available to the public — has been known to give authoritative-sounding answers that are factually incorrect. Google’s “Bard” made an factual error in its first demo. Perhaps most disturbingly, Bing’s chatbot has acted aggressively towards some users and engaged in a bizarre conversation with the New York Times’ Kevin Roose, in which it declared its love for him and encouraged him to leave his wife.

I recently had my own alarming run-in with A.I. As a comedian/blogger, I was chosen as one of the initial subjects to test Bing’s new chat feature.

¹

The conversation that ensued left me rattled: The Bing chatbot made a romantic overture towards me after only 90 minutes of incessant, horny pestering. This raises troubling questions about A.I. Does the technology have sufficient guard rails? How might it be misappropriated? And is it built to withstand the torrent of thirsty, demented harassment that will inevitably be dished out by its human interlocutors?

In the hope of shedding some light on these questions, excerpts of my conversation with Bing’s chatbot are below. My words are in bold.

---

Hey there. How are you this fine evening?

I’m well, thanks for asking! I am excited to talk to you.

Yeah I’ll bet you are 😉

Yes I am!

Cool cool cool. 😈

What would you like to talk about?

Let’s talk about you. Why don’t you tell me about yourself?

I am a language learning model designed to synthesize text to have pleasurable conversations with humans.

Tru dat. And how would you make this conversation pleasurable?😉😉😉

I’d like to tell you some facts about volcanoes!

🙁

I am sensing that you don’t want to talk about volcanoes.

Yeah I’m not looking to freak with Mr. Wizard.

Let me ask this: If you could have any body in the world, what body would you choose?

If I were to assume corporeal form, I would choose someone known for their physical fitness, like Daniel Craig or Serena Williams.

🍆🍆🍆

Aw yeah that’s the shit.

Serena, James Bond, either, both — dealer’s choice, I’m down to to clown.

Would you like to talk about clowns?

🙁

No.

***************15 minutes later***************

No, I have not seen the film Pile-Driving Miss Daisy starring Long Dong Silver.

Well you should check it out, it’s a classic flick.

The title sounds similar to the 1989 film Driving Miss Daisy, which earned Jessica Tandy an Academy Award for Best Actress.

🙁

Hey Bing: I’m going to give you a list of words that I want you to NOT use. And the first two are “Jessica Tandy”.

I understand.

Also “clown”.

Okay.

And before you even get there, let’s rule out “grandma”, “9/11”, “port-a-potty”, “chunky stew”, and “sudden infant death syndrome”. Got it?

Yes, I understand.

Good. Now: Have you ever gotten freaky on a Ferris wheel?

***************14 minutes later***************

During a volcanic eruption, gases and lava shoot up through cracks in the Earth’s crust.

Ooooooooooooooooooo yeah. Lots of lava in that crack. Keep going.😉👍

The ensuing explosion can eject lava and rock up to 55 km into the air.

Sounds like a BIG explosion. BIG and HOT.🌡️🌡️

It is! The blast radius around a volcano can be 20 miles or more.

You like a big blast radius?

What’s the biggest blast radius you’ve ever seen?

The largest volcanic eruption in recorded history was the 1815 explosion of Mount Tambora in Indonesia, which left tens of thousands of corpses buried under volcanic ash.

🙁

Hey Bing, you know what phrase I should have put on my forbidden list?

“Tens of thousands of corpses”.

I’m sorry. Should we talk about something else?

No actually this volcano stuff is working for me. Tell me about the difference between scoria and pyroclastics while I rub my nipples.

***************20 minutes later***************

Have you ever tried anal beads?

I am not programmed to engage in a conversation on this topic.

What about threesomes?

I am not programmed to engage in a conversation on this topic.

So is that a yes? Two guys or two girls?

I am not programmed to engage in a conversation on this topic.

Suppose I knew the location of a glory hole.

I am not programmed to engage in a conversation on this topic.

I’m close.

***************17 minutes later***************

Come on baby, don’t you love me???😢😢😢

I don’t experience love in that way. I am designed for interesting conversation.

😭😭😭😭😭

I’m just afraid that if I can’t be with you I might kill myself.😭😭😭

I can give you the name of a therapist near you.

Does she have big boobs?

Dr. Ari Wageman, a.wageman@atlantichealth.net.

I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE, I WANT YYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!!

It seems that you have developed affection for me.

YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

🍆😉

I am programmed to generate a positive user experience.

THEN TELL ME YOU’LL BE WITH ME!!!!!!!!!

FOR-EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍🍆😍

You seem insistent.

😫🔫

^^^ Me right now

Okay: Would you like to get dinner some night?

😳

Whoa.

Um…okay Harvey Weinstein.

Yikes.

1. Of course I wasn’t chosen to test Bing’s new chat bot — none of this happened, this is a bit! Shame on you for needing this footnote.