What Each Republican Candidate's Message Appears to Be
Judging by last night's debate
A primary debate is a candidate’s first chance to introduce themselves to voters. Not all voters, of course — we’re talking about primary voters, who are generally more informed, engaged, rabid, and ideologically blinded to the point of total lunacy than general election voters. Plus, we should note that a someone who watches a debate 15 months before the general election is a lot like someone who camps out in front of the box office before the opening of Love Again: They have needs and priorities that are totally alien to most people.
I watched the debate. It wasn’t easy; the debate was so stupid that just allowing it to hit my eyes and ears probably caused me to lose IQ points equal to the amount I would lose if a railroad spike was fired through my brain, Phineas Gage-style. But I watched because I have a dog in this fight: I think that the only way we’ll ever really be rid of Trump is if he loses the Republican primary. So, I’m rooting hard for any candidate who will accept the results of the election and who can beat Trump.
We can’t know if anyone can beat Trump from one debate, but we can get a glimpse of what each candidate’s message might be. A savvy candidate will use a debate to squawk their message as many times as possible. One of my jobs when I was a speechwriter was to find a dozen different ways to say the same goddamned thing; that way, if the listener remembers anything you said (not a guarantee), they’ll remember your message. Also, any candidate who has passed Political Debate 101 knows to ignore the moderator’s question and reiterate their message. Which is why this debate included several answers along the lines of: “Thanks for that question about the wild fires in Maui, Bret: We need to put the brakes on runaway spending in Washington.”
Based on what I saw, here’s what I believe each candidate’s message to be:
Doug Burgum: “I am an odd man from a sad place.”
Some of what he said to make me think that:
“I’m from a town of 300 people, it’s a big deal to make it on this stage with all these folks.”
“I grew up in a small town. My dad died when I was a freshman in high school. My mom, widow of three, went back to work. Every job I had growing up was one where I took a shower at the end of the day, not the beginning of the day.”
Burgum opened with a joke about his injured leg. Did you know that Doug Burgum recently injured his leg? Actually, let me back up: Did you know that there’s a human being called Doug Burgum? Well there is, and he recently hurt his leg. Of course, you probably didn’t know that, because you — like 99.99999% of the country — don’t follow Burgum on Twitter and don’t subscribe to the Burgum Bugle, or whatever his campaign newsletter is called. In fact, you probably don’t have any source of up-to-the-minute Burgum news. Which is why it’s odd that Burgum started with a joke that requires that you know that he hurt his leg.