The Trump Indictment, But With Jokes
Let's learn about this crap whether we want to or not
Why am I struggling to care that Trump was indicted again? A major world figure has been charged with a serious crime; that should get my attention. If Tony Blair was caught running a meth lab, I’d want to know more. If the Pope robbed a McDonald’s at gunpoint, I’d turn on CNN. But when I saw that Trump had been indicted for a third time — this time for trying to overturn the 2020 election — I thought “seems right” and then clicked on an article about the ten best moments from Pee-wee’s Playhouse.
I know I should care. And I know that what should matter here is Trump’s innocence or guilt. After all: Prosecuting an ex-president is a dicey precedent, but so is declaring an ex-president to be above the law just because prosecuting him would be dicey. And trying to overturn is an election is definitely illegal, even if the only example that most of us can think of is Matthew Broderick in the movie Election. So…what’s the evidence? I’ve read the indictment, and I will now summarize it and add jokes, because for some reason, that’s what I do.
But before I start, I have to issue my standard disclaimer that I am not a prosecutor nor a lawyer of any type and frankly you should be ashamed of yourself for having read even this far.