26 Comments

This is fantastic even though it is giving me flashbacks to when my kids were babies and I lost so much weight from walking the floor with them at all hours that people thought I had cancer. I will also cop to having enjoyed a Scotch while breastfeeding on more than one occasion.

I also love “Gehorsamhaus”--for non-German-speakers, it means “obedience house.” 😂

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So now you're a shill for Big Baby.

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Feb 17Liked by Jeff Maurer

We have a 6-week old infant at home.

I bought a year subscription to IMBW after reading this.

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Dude! You are gonna get so much shit from childless parenting experts with no satire receptors. I salute you!

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Feb 18·edited Feb 18Liked by Jeff Maurer

How did we boomers ever manage without these products, aside from item #5, the Grandmother?

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is pure awesomeness!

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The tricks that make the baby feel that he/she is still floating in a bouncy bag of amniotic fluid just encourage the illusion that they can shit whenever they want to... like other addictions solution is cold turkey.

When the baby is about to get tired, put it down in the baby cage and leave it alone in the dark (it's judging the "about to get tired" that's a real skill, especially as a new baby-owning zombie). Eventually they learn "ah, there's nothing going on here, I gotta sleep". For bonus points add a "sleep prop" - e.g. happy rag. But hey, these are grandma-grade trade secrets!

On this "let 'em scream it out" line of thinking, the solution you are looking for is a bassinet with a 2000W AI-powered sound system that picks the baby's screams and pumps out the exact opposite sound - basically automated sibling rivalry.

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"endless patience built up by five fucking decades of dealing with Grandpa"

Oh I see. Just Grandpa. There were no other family members trying her patience in that time period, an d certainly none who might've ever been babies themselves.

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I hope you feed Grandma more than tuna sandwiches😉 Their wisdom over the ages puts new theories in perspective. Singing to my baby ... any song ... always worked for me, too. At the end of cognition, people with dementia still respond to 🎶, so maybe it’s reverse for babies, responding to it first. Your son is so lucky to have the love & dedication of his parents.

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Would not have pegged you as a snoo guy.

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Upon clicking the appropriate affiliate link, I was disappointed to find I could not purchase the baby pictured in the Marshall review. Please correct at your earliest convenience.

Also, there's a real typo in the Marshall review: 200 all-tube watts is what you want to evoke 180-decibel onslaughts. A 20-watt tube amp is an inoffensive, medium-small combo of the type favored by washed-up '90s shredmeisters whose wives and back problems made them get rid of their 80-watt, 100-pound Fender Twins and Marshall half-stacks years ago. (Don't ask me how I know this.)

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Hey, someone rented us the Snoo and it was a godsend. Once our baby girl was about 5-6 weeks old, it soothed her so well in the night that it reduced her wakeups. We started getting blessed four or five hour stretches of sleep. I 100% plan on renting that robo-bed again if we ever have more children haha! It seemed absurd to me too until I was 5 weeks into that no-sleep life.

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There's no way Angus Young would endorse a tube head with only 20 watts. His compatriots would accuse him of moving to Brooklyn and joining a chill wave band or something. 200 all-tube watts, atop a full stack (2 x 4x12 cabs), or bust.

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Hi Jeff, my 11 week old slept 10 hours in a row last night. Yes, I’m just rubbing it in.

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Please be cautious with "Smart" products. For anyone interested in learning more about the harmful effects of Wireless Radiation on children: healthytechhome.org

The U.S. exposure limits for Wireless Radiofrequency Radiation have not been updated since 1996, despite 11,000+ pages of court evidence demonstrating the limits are insufficient for real world use.

Published science here: https://healthytechhome.org/published-science-on-wireless-radiation-and-childrens-health

More info with court evidence: https://ehtrust.org/what-evidence-of-people-injured-by-wireless-radiation-was-ignored-by-the-fcc-historic-lawsuit-eht-et-al-v-fcc

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First thing I read this morning. Laughed and didn’t stop all day. Thanks !

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