The left is blind to its own authoritarianism. It thinks that if it is done under the guise of empathy it cannot be authoritarianism. The archetype for the modern left is not Montessori Mom. It is Nurse Ratched.
It also has no problem with strength, as long as it is in women and not men.
People who worry about being bad parents are actually the best parents. It's the ones who think they are doing everything right that are the shittiest parents.
First of all congratulations on your lil baby angel!
Second, this past season my kid’s baseball coach shouted at his wife to “get your butt back up there” when she started to run down to where her kid had just gotten pegged in the head. The other moms and I were all atwitter about it. So now my husband and I are constantly telling each other to get our butts different places depending on the situation, when one of us needs tough love. (Not to be confused with rough love, if you catch my drift. That’s a separate issue.)
I don't actually see politics that correlated with parenting style, but rather culture. I've actually become more politically independent as a parent in the suburbs, which is not what I was expecting, because the purple suburb where I am is a mix and it's hard to demonise and look down on neighbours and my kid's friend's parents after getting to know them.
As someone with 10+ years experience as a parent, here's what I've discovered: you're going to screw up somehow, but everyone does. No book, no tract, no treatise has the correct way to raise a kid because no two are exactly alike. You're just going to have to wing it and hope for the best.
This is the hardest thing with parenting, which is basically just dog training. Where do you stand your ground and not give in? Cause if you let them get away with everything, they become Cartman.
Best parenting advice I received: Never put your kid in a situation he/she can't handle. It must be paired with a solid understanding of what kids can and should handle, so you can screw up by infantilizing your kids and not letting them pick out their own socks, or you can screw up by making them responsible for taking care of things that are your job.
Having them be responsible for themselves and for helping out with chores are things that modern parents probably don't think kids can handle, but they can. Having them be responsible for other people or for you, or for a lot of schoolwork outside of school hours (burdensome homework and overscheduling) are things that even "good" parents slide into.
What I see is parents who are football dad about schoolwork and extracurriculars, but Mush Mom about picking up after themselves and helping out with routine chores at home. And it's not gendered--both parents are so focused on flogging kids through unreasonable homework and ridiculous schedules that they feel that's enough and let kids be complete slobs at home.
“O would some power gie’ ust/ the power to see us as others see ust”! Robert Burns knew the fundamental flaw in human psychology-the willful lack of self awareness. Psycho coach and hippie chick are both lacking in this trait-and thus can’t process the consequences of their parenting choices.
A corollary to this issue is the unwillingness of society to embrace individuals who willingly admit to being assholes and/or straight shooters-I can relate to this personally. Dr. Rick from the Progressive “become your parents commercials” would make a great dictator, socially responsible but intolerant of personal obtuseness. He would be sort of a suburban version of Joe Tito, the Yugoslavian post WW II dictator, whose governing philosophy was basically “Don’t be an asshole or die”-and it worked….
Love your columns. Minor quibble, though. I think "One and the same" is preferred over "one in the same", unless you were making a joke which went over my head.
Looking back, as the father of a 34-year-old daughter, all you can do is your best. My parenting style trended towards Football Dad, while my wife trended towards Montessori Mom. Mom mostly won out but it was a team effort.
The result is a beautiful and talented kind hearted woman who is dealing with physical disability with grace and style.
I.e. my “rub some dirt on it and get back out there” attitude was exactly the opposite of what was needed. With both of us supporting her she did things we were told by doctors she would never be able to do, such as live on her own and complete a BFA in Metal Working and Jewelry Design at a prestigious university.
She is back living with us while completing a rigorous Physical Therapy regime (that I probably would have bailed on after the first week) to gain as much strength and functional possible. I’m extremely proud of her.
My point is that when I was a new father I had no idea what was coming, and nothing went the way either of us expected, but the results were still pretty spectacular.
Just take it a day at a time, and listen Mom. In my experience she really does know best.
I wrote a much less funny book-version of this article 12 yrs ago. "For Our Own Good: The Politics of Parenting in an Ailing Society". In retrospect, I leaned too heavily into critique of authoritarian parenting and not enough into the downsides of overly permissive parenting, but I stand by the basic thesis that child-rearing has a big impact on political ideology. (There's a very good audiobook on third way parenting called Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting).
The left is blind to its own authoritarianism. It thinks that if it is done under the guise of empathy it cannot be authoritarianism. The archetype for the modern left is not Montessori Mom. It is Nurse Ratched.
It also has no problem with strength, as long as it is in women and not men.
Congratulations Jeff and welcome to parenthood.
People who worry about being bad parents are actually the best parents. It's the ones who think they are doing everything right that are the shittiest parents.
"To my knowledge, social science hasn't given a name to the Montessori Mom personality type"
The word you're looking for is 'narcissist', Jeff.
First of all congratulations on your lil baby angel!
Second, this past season my kid’s baseball coach shouted at his wife to “get your butt back up there” when she started to run down to where her kid had just gotten pegged in the head. The other moms and I were all atwitter about it. So now my husband and I are constantly telling each other to get our butts different places depending on the situation, when one of us needs tough love. (Not to be confused with rough love, if you catch my drift. That’s a separate issue.)
Anyway hope this helps.
I don't actually see politics that correlated with parenting style, but rather culture. I've actually become more politically independent as a parent in the suburbs, which is not what I was expecting, because the purple suburb where I am is a mix and it's hard to demonise and look down on neighbours and my kid's friend's parents after getting to know them.
As someone with 10+ years experience as a parent, here's what I've discovered: you're going to screw up somehow, but everyone does. No book, no tract, no treatise has the correct way to raise a kid because no two are exactly alike. You're just going to have to wing it and hope for the best.
Well, there goes a post I was going to write. Probably for the best; mine wouldn't have had jokes.
Just love the Mommie Dearest pic! 🤣
This is the hardest thing with parenting, which is basically just dog training. Where do you stand your ground and not give in? Cause if you let them get away with everything, they become Cartman.
Best parenting advice I received: Never put your kid in a situation he/she can't handle. It must be paired with a solid understanding of what kids can and should handle, so you can screw up by infantilizing your kids and not letting them pick out their own socks, or you can screw up by making them responsible for taking care of things that are your job.
Having them be responsible for themselves and for helping out with chores are things that modern parents probably don't think kids can handle, but they can. Having them be responsible for other people or for you, or for a lot of schoolwork outside of school hours (burdensome homework and overscheduling) are things that even "good" parents slide into.
What I see is parents who are football dad about schoolwork and extracurriculars, but Mush Mom about picking up after themselves and helping out with routine chores at home. And it's not gendered--both parents are so focused on flogging kids through unreasonable homework and ridiculous schedules that they feel that's enough and let kids be complete slobs at home.
Check out Paul Bloom’s “Against Empathy”, which explores how empathy and emotional reasoning can mislead our moral decision-making.
“O would some power gie’ ust/ the power to see us as others see ust”! Robert Burns knew the fundamental flaw in human psychology-the willful lack of self awareness. Psycho coach and hippie chick are both lacking in this trait-and thus can’t process the consequences of their parenting choices.
A corollary to this issue is the unwillingness of society to embrace individuals who willingly admit to being assholes and/or straight shooters-I can relate to this personally. Dr. Rick from the Progressive “become your parents commercials” would make a great dictator, socially responsible but intolerant of personal obtuseness. He would be sort of a suburban version of Joe Tito, the Yugoslavian post WW II dictator, whose governing philosophy was basically “Don’t be an asshole or die”-and it worked….
Love your columns. Minor quibble, though. I think "One and the same" is preferred over "one in the same", unless you were making a joke which went over my head.
Looking back, as the father of a 34-year-old daughter, all you can do is your best. My parenting style trended towards Football Dad, while my wife trended towards Montessori Mom. Mom mostly won out but it was a team effort.
The result is a beautiful and talented kind hearted woman who is dealing with physical disability with grace and style.
I.e. my “rub some dirt on it and get back out there” attitude was exactly the opposite of what was needed. With both of us supporting her she did things we were told by doctors she would never be able to do, such as live on her own and complete a BFA in Metal Working and Jewelry Design at a prestigious university.
She is back living with us while completing a rigorous Physical Therapy regime (that I probably would have bailed on after the first week) to gain as much strength and functional possible. I’m extremely proud of her.
My point is that when I was a new father I had no idea what was coming, and nothing went the way either of us expected, but the results were still pretty spectacular.
Just take it a day at a time, and listen Mom. In my experience she really does know best.
I wrote a much less funny book-version of this article 12 yrs ago. "For Our Own Good: The Politics of Parenting in an Ailing Society". In retrospect, I leaned too heavily into critique of authoritarian parenting and not enough into the downsides of overly permissive parenting, but I stand by the basic thesis that child-rearing has a big impact on political ideology. (There's a very good audiobook on third way parenting called Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting).
George Lakoff’s book “Moral Politics” is all about this, how four parenting types affect politics.