Vance got so much blowback on his "childless cat ladies" rant that he realized he'd badly underestimated how much people love their cats, so he pivoted to "they're coming for your cats!"
Yo, J-Fuzzy!!!! I got a great idea for ya, dude! Check it: What would get Azita in the mood for a nice long soul-baring interview? If her cat went missing! She’d be like, “Fuzzy-Wuzzy, get your investigative butt back here; we gotta talk!” And you could say, “How bout we talk over dinner? You gotta eat, right?” And she’d be like, “Word, gotta keep this booty padded all fluffy-wuffy.” And then you could take her to the park on Sunday to a Haitian barbecue, and when she sees two chicken legs kinds close together, she’d be like, “My kitty! They’re gonna eat my poor kitty!” And you can be like, “Naw, baby, it’s just a joke! I got your kitty all taken care of back at my hotel. Come on, baby, let’s go back to my room and you’ll see ain’t nobody eatin’ your kitty but me.” And then she’ll freak out all over again, but when she calms down enough for you to explain double-entendre, you’ll be on your way to showin’ her that loser Tom of hers ain’t nothin’ but a pussy.
The attention to this, whether, political or attempted humor, shows how far we have moved from reality. Notice the disaster in East Palisades is completely ignored, ‘never happened’, no recognition by Biden or the Democrats. People are suffering increasing deadly health problems, cancer, respiratory, etc, their most valuable asset, their home, is now worthless, no value. But let’s ignore human suffering because it’s not politically convenient and someone might expect our government to remain with them to help try and overcome this life altering disaster. But where are we, covering a questionable animal issue that is meaningless as our culture moves toward the edge of no return. We don’t have to worry about climate issues we will self destruct, and be long gone before that happens.
Thank you for this piece of sanity and humour in the vast, broiling vat of bilious shite and idiocy that is the internet. The fact that there are still a few actual normal, decent humans writing out there is a small but vital safety valve.
I've just read the substack mentioned which takes 10000 words to come up with irrefutable proof that the MSM is lying about Haitians not eating cats in Springfield- ie, a scratchy video of barbecue owned by an African (hey, near enough) in Daytona that might, or might not, show a thing like a cat on a grate.
Genius. These people are parodies of themselves, which is really quite an achievement.
Vance got so much blowback on his "childless cat ladies" rant that he realized he'd badly underestimated how much people love their cats, so he pivoted to "they're coming for your cats!"
I really like the Jacob Fuzetti character, but this Jeff Maurer fellow could be a breakout hit from these pieces. What a boob!
Seconded! He has potential!
Petition for Jeff to recruit Azita for guest posts
i need more Fuzzita drama
She’s such a pro.
Are you going to give equal time on this issue to the other staff reporter, the um, sexy bot one? Equal time and all that, old boy.
Azita is a smart woman.
Vance admitted he made up the story, to get attention! He's running for vice-president and has to make up stories to get people to listen. Wow.
Maybe Laura Looney can give him a few pointers.
Yo, J-Fuzzy!!!! I got a great idea for ya, dude! Check it: What would get Azita in the mood for a nice long soul-baring interview? If her cat went missing! She’d be like, “Fuzzy-Wuzzy, get your investigative butt back here; we gotta talk!” And you could say, “How bout we talk over dinner? You gotta eat, right?” And she’d be like, “Word, gotta keep this booty padded all fluffy-wuffy.” And then you could take her to the park on Sunday to a Haitian barbecue, and when she sees two chicken legs kinds close together, she’d be like, “My kitty! They’re gonna eat my poor kitty!” And you can be like, “Naw, baby, it’s just a joke! I got your kitty all taken care of back at my hotel. Come on, baby, let’s go back to my room and you’ll see ain’t nobody eatin’ your kitty but me.” And then she’ll freak out all over again, but when she calms down enough for you to explain double-entendre, you’ll be on your way to showin’ her that loser Tom of hers ain’t nothin’ but a pussy.
The attention to this, whether, political or attempted humor, shows how far we have moved from reality. Notice the disaster in East Palisades is completely ignored, ‘never happened’, no recognition by Biden or the Democrats. People are suffering increasing deadly health problems, cancer, respiratory, etc, their most valuable asset, their home, is now worthless, no value. But let’s ignore human suffering because it’s not politically convenient and someone might expect our government to remain with them to help try and overcome this life altering disaster. But where are we, covering a questionable animal issue that is meaningless as our culture moves toward the edge of no return. We don’t have to worry about climate issues we will self destruct, and be long gone before that happens.
The town in question is East Palestine, Ohio.
Cats, not fish. Great stuff. :)
Thank you for this piece of sanity and humour in the vast, broiling vat of bilious shite and idiocy that is the internet. The fact that there are still a few actual normal, decent humans writing out there is a small but vital safety valve.
Jacob Fuzetti is my favorite!
Gold!
This is the definitive story on the cat-eating. No idea how Jacob Fuzetti only has 22 subscribers. Go subscribe!
This is hilarious. As an Ohioan, an out of town journalist visiting Oberlin to understand Springfield is also insane.
It's a shame Qubi crashed and burned. A 'Jacob Fuzetti Reports' show would probably work in 10 minute doses.
I've just read the substack mentioned which takes 10000 words to come up with irrefutable proof that the MSM is lying about Haitians not eating cats in Springfield- ie, a scratchy video of barbecue owned by an African (hey, near enough) in Daytona that might, or might not, show a thing like a cat on a grate.
Genius. These people are parodies of themselves, which is really quite an achievement.