Very sweet post. You have a greats asset in your humor. I've found that 99% of father situations can be made better by humor. I have adult children--34,31,28 and we still laugh together all the time.
Very sorry for your loss. This is a lovely tribute to your father. It can be hard to say sometimes if our fathers did a good job or how much of our successes and failures can be put on how they raised us. But given your fond memories of him, it sounds like he did at least some things right.
Jeff, if it makes you feel any better, the fact that you're asking at all if you're ready for kids puts you ahead of 90% of people. But it's part of that (as you've previously argued, annoying) hyper-educated progressive mindset that has brainwashed into thinking we have more control over the way things happen than we do. Ok, not the having a kid part, you have a moderate amount of control over that part. But what numbers they draw in the genetic lottery is completely outside of your control and will have way more impact on them than whatever it is you're afraid you'll mess up. Raising a kid is learning that you can read 15 books on potty training and you'll still have shit all over the rug before you get through it- the whole endeavor was always going to be trial by fire. Loving them and being there for them, and just as importantly for your co-parent!!, is really the overwhelming majority of the job. Sounds like you're more than ready for that. And condolences on your family's loss; thank you for sharing this sweet tribute.
Lovely tribute to your dad, Jeff. He did put his whole heart into being a good parent, and I vote him a big success. He was also a caring, fun uncle for my kids. You’ll hear his voice echo in your ears many times as you deal with your own kids (ask Mark). May your memories of him be a blessing to you. Aunt Anch
Condolences on your loss and thanks for sharing those memories.
It's important to note that problems with children are never resolved in 30 minutes (including commercial breaks). Usually the problems recur and you think, "Didn't we see this one already? Damn, those writers are getting lazy."
My father was also a legendary cheapskate. I recall him telling a story of how Mom had asked him to pick up some raisins, and he stopped at the big Kroger in the suburb where he worked, instead of going to the Dollar Tree in the small town where they lived.
"And that box of raisins was dollar more at Kroger than I would have paid at Dollar Tree!"
"Dad, that was over ten years ago. You're still holding on to that?"
But that legendary cheapness meant that he had enough money saved to pay for full-time care at the end of his life, and Mom did too.
From someone a little less than 2 years into being a dad for the first time - you're not ready. You're never *ready* to be a dad, because you can't possibly know what it's like and you can't truly be ready for something you don't understand.
You can't be ready - but you can be willing to step up to the challenge. And that's all anyone ever is.
I'm less than 2 years in and it's already the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
Your dad sounds like a good guy who truly appreciated his family-and that’s all you can ask for. My father is kind of like yours-big into tools, not fashion sense, but totally committed to our nuclear family.
It’s funny, b/c in retrospect, both of my grandfathers were like movie stereotypes of heroes and coolness. My Ukrainian grandfather was the best shot in his cavalry regiment in the Red Army, then smuggled his family out of the USSR during WWII and then literally broke them out of a communist relocation camp in Germany before they could be shipped back. His first job in the USA was literally being a cowboy. My mom’s dad, otoh, was a college athlete during the Depression, a Lt. Commander in the South Pacific in WWII, and then was a pr man for an insurance company in the 60s and 70s, where his job was literally to golf, drink, and go to baseball games and party w/ strippers! Yet he was a total homebody and family man on the weekends, b/c he needed a break, he always joked.
The older I get more I admire them-and realize how atypical they were! Food on the table and respect for your mom are the two clear and unequivocal signs of a father’s love for his children, anything else is a psychological/genetic lottery.
I'm so sorry you lost your dad, but it sounds like it surely was great to have had him. My dad's main foible is being a horrible guesstimator but a great cook, which means last week when he made a pot of sausage lentil soup for himself and my mom, my household of five got the leftovers and ate two more meals from it. Every year at Christmas he makes this snack mix called Christmas Crackle and I swear to god this is not an exaggeration, he had to buy a 64 quart Sterilite to hold it all. He also once bought six pounds of brussels sprouts as a side dish for five people.
Parenting is hard, but it's good. You won't regret it.
I empathize with your Dad. My old man’s theory of fatherhood seemed primarily to be ‘Make me look good, never question me and shut the fuck up or I’ll squish your head like a grape (last one’s a verbatim quote)” and then spend 90% of his free time with anybody else but his family. I knew I hadn’t clue one about how to do better except to do the opposite. Your description makes me think well of your Dad. And that’s a credit to him, I wager.
The best thing about having kids is the appreciation you end up having for your own parents. You begin to realize why they were the way they were because being a parent is hard, but also fucking amazing.
Very sorry to hear about your Dad. This piece made me think of a christmas comedy I watched called “8-bit”. You might enjoy it. Plus it’s March so why not.
Very sweet post. You have a greats asset in your humor. I've found that 99% of father situations can be made better by humor. I have adult children--34,31,28 and we still laugh together all the time.
I read that aloud to my husband/the father of my children and we both nearly rolled on the floor laughing. A very sweet tribute to your Dad.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Very sorry for your loss. This is a lovely tribute to your father. It can be hard to say sometimes if our fathers did a good job or how much of our successes and failures can be put on how they raised us. But given your fond memories of him, it sounds like he did at least some things right.
Jeff, if it makes you feel any better, the fact that you're asking at all if you're ready for kids puts you ahead of 90% of people. But it's part of that (as you've previously argued, annoying) hyper-educated progressive mindset that has brainwashed into thinking we have more control over the way things happen than we do. Ok, not the having a kid part, you have a moderate amount of control over that part. But what numbers they draw in the genetic lottery is completely outside of your control and will have way more impact on them than whatever it is you're afraid you'll mess up. Raising a kid is learning that you can read 15 books on potty training and you'll still have shit all over the rug before you get through it- the whole endeavor was always going to be trial by fire. Loving them and being there for them, and just as importantly for your co-parent!!, is really the overwhelming majority of the job. Sounds like you're more than ready for that. And condolences on your family's loss; thank you for sharing this sweet tribute.
Lovely tribute to your dad, Jeff. He did put his whole heart into being a good parent, and I vote him a big success. He was also a caring, fun uncle for my kids. You’ll hear his voice echo in your ears many times as you deal with your own kids (ask Mark). May your memories of him be a blessing to you. Aunt Anch
Condolences on your loss and thanks for sharing those memories.
It's important to note that problems with children are never resolved in 30 minutes (including commercial breaks). Usually the problems recur and you think, "Didn't we see this one already? Damn, those writers are getting lazy."
Parenting - the toughest job you’ll ever love. It’s hard but fun.
My father was also a legendary cheapskate. I recall him telling a story of how Mom had asked him to pick up some raisins, and he stopped at the big Kroger in the suburb where he worked, instead of going to the Dollar Tree in the small town where they lived.
"And that box of raisins was dollar more at Kroger than I would have paid at Dollar Tree!"
"Dad, that was over ten years ago. You're still holding on to that?"
But that legendary cheapness meant that he had enough money saved to pay for full-time care at the end of his life, and Mom did too.
From someone a little less than 2 years into being a dad for the first time - you're not ready. You're never *ready* to be a dad, because you can't possibly know what it's like and you can't truly be ready for something you don't understand.
You can't be ready - but you can be willing to step up to the challenge. And that's all anyone ever is.
I'm less than 2 years in and it's already the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
Your dad sounds like a good guy who truly appreciated his family-and that’s all you can ask for. My father is kind of like yours-big into tools, not fashion sense, but totally committed to our nuclear family.
It’s funny, b/c in retrospect, both of my grandfathers were like movie stereotypes of heroes and coolness. My Ukrainian grandfather was the best shot in his cavalry regiment in the Red Army, then smuggled his family out of the USSR during WWII and then literally broke them out of a communist relocation camp in Germany before they could be shipped back. His first job in the USA was literally being a cowboy. My mom’s dad, otoh, was a college athlete during the Depression, a Lt. Commander in the South Pacific in WWII, and then was a pr man for an insurance company in the 60s and 70s, where his job was literally to golf, drink, and go to baseball games and party w/ strippers! Yet he was a total homebody and family man on the weekends, b/c he needed a break, he always joked.
The older I get more I admire them-and realize how atypical they were! Food on the table and respect for your mom are the two clear and unequivocal signs of a father’s love for his children, anything else is a psychological/genetic lottery.
I'm so sorry you lost your dad, but it sounds like it surely was great to have had him. My dad's main foible is being a horrible guesstimator but a great cook, which means last week when he made a pot of sausage lentil soup for himself and my mom, my household of five got the leftovers and ate two more meals from it. Every year at Christmas he makes this snack mix called Christmas Crackle and I swear to god this is not an exaggeration, he had to buy a 64 quart Sterilite to hold it all. He also once bought six pounds of brussels sprouts as a side dish for five people.
Parenting is hard, but it's good. You won't regret it.
I empathize with your Dad. My old man’s theory of fatherhood seemed primarily to be ‘Make me look good, never question me and shut the fuck up or I’ll squish your head like a grape (last one’s a verbatim quote)” and then spend 90% of his free time with anybody else but his family. I knew I hadn’t clue one about how to do better except to do the opposite. Your description makes me think well of your Dad. And that’s a credit to him, I wager.
The best thing about having kids is the appreciation you end up having for your own parents. You begin to realize why they were the way they were because being a parent is hard, but also fucking amazing.
Sorry for your loss, sounds like he was a great dad. Leads me to believe you will be too!
Very sorry to hear about your Dad. This piece made me think of a christmas comedy I watched called “8-bit”. You might enjoy it. Plus it’s March so why not.
Loved the post.