33 Comments
Sep 5Liked by Jeff Maurer

I never tried showing my (then) 2 year-old The Graduate ... but I DID (seriously!) repeatedly show her 2001: A Space Odyssey. She was having trouble sleeping, and so to get her to sleep my wife and I watched the first 15 minutes of that movie with her. The key thing was that it had elements that keenly engaged her interest (she called it "The Monkey Movie"), so she would eagerly watch it - but it was also hypnotically soporific in its pacing and music, so she would drift to sleep while watching it. Recommended for all parents of sleepless 2 year-olds!

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There are a few movies that I'll probably try to shoehorn into my son's life at a completely inappropriate age, and 2001: A Space Odyssey is one of them. Good to know that there's a chance that he'll like it!

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I think I must have seen it on TV as a small child (early 80’s) because for YEARS I was convinced that I woke up in the middle of the night to see the monolith at the end of my bed when I was around 6 or 7.

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You can do this for other media as well. Instead of reading Goodnight Moon to Carter at bedtime, try Kafka’s The Judgment, followed by a healthy discussion of alienation, parental estrangement, and suicide. He’ll love you for it.

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In my house, we replaced Peppa Pig with a Tarkovsky retrospective. At first my daughter complained, but then we got to the part in Andrew Rublev where the invading Tatars burn down a church and pour molten silver down the priests throat. That really made her pay attention!

When she stops sobbing and finally agrees to go to sleep I feel sure she’ll thank me, for expanding her artistic horizons….

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You neglected to mention that the book comes priced at a toddler-friendly $38 bucks! My kid is already digging in his piggy bank (Animal Farm-themed, of course).

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Sep 5Liked by Jeff Maurer

…A tiger family trip, a tiger family trip, oh how much fun it will be, with our family!…

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And with that out-of-the-blue reference, I have ruined your day.

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I mean, my three year old son has a Baby Margaret stuffed animal that he takes everywhere with him, so it’s not like I’m escaping it anyhow

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Fantastic Mr. Fox. Island of Dogs.

I recall Dad taking us to the drive in movie premier of "The Hustler" when I was about 11 or 12. I didn't get it.

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Isle of Dogs -- the name is a pun.

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Should have gone with Heavy Metal. That shit rules for any age!

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founding

My 5-year old son was convinced there were monsters under his bed such that he was afraid to go to sleep. I told him he had nothing to be afraid of, and, to drive the point home, I sat him down to watch A24's "Beau Is Afraid", explaining to him that, he'll come to know genuine fear when he's Beau's age and the cold, harsh reality of his unrealized dreams, misspent youth, and basement-level socio-economic status will make themselves apparent.

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You should put the "this is a bit" disclaimer at the top of "the bit" so people don't have to call Child Protective Services back.....

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Five words: "All Dogs Go To Heaven."

You'll love it after the 100th viewing!

Unfortunately, I know this.....

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Much to my chagrin, and my husband’s merriment, I fell for this, at least until Touch of Evil.

But the piece is funny because it is true. There is a whole genre of articles in the NYTimes in which the writer talks fondly about how his six-year-old son—no doubt wearing a fedora—somehow has the same precious fondness for hipster foods and media as the writer. And then a few years later, these pieces dry up, no doubt because the kid is so embarrassed.

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I left out the part where the A24 guy quoted in the Washington Post article says "I've been reading my son Greek myths!" Yeah, well, that's the thing about kids: They're little, so if you're determined to force something on them, they kind of just have to sit there and take it.

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Rookie mistake -- it should have been obvious that your attempts to introduce this material would fail absent a prior introduction to the seminal work of Kurosawa, Satyajit Ray, and Francois Truffaut to establish the proper context.

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Surely kids really do love Totoro? Mine did!

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Thanks for the reminder: No Billy Corgan videos during breakfast.....

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That was exactly when he went all Uncle Fester! My teenage heart broke

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My main memory from childhood movies was the drive in. Parents would stay in the car listening to tinny lousy speakers. All the kids would in pajamas and be down in front under the screen goofing around on the playground equipment. I recall a lot of scruffed and really dirty pajamas.

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Sep 5·edited Sep 5

This posting of IMBW has been rated PG (Pretty Good) by the Substack Newsletter Production Code enforcement team. It would have received a G (Good) save for the one lone F-bomb in the very last line of the disclaimer at the end. The team thought of rating it X (Xceptional) because of that but realized that that might prevent parents from letting their 6-to-8-year-olds read it as a self-guide with which to augment and enhance their already ridiculous amounts of time spent looking at and watching shit on a screen.

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