USA vs. Martinique Match Diary and Player Ratings

Excited about Dike and Busio, and did you know that Martinique was once known as "The Island of Iguanas"?

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Here’s a hell of a sentence: That B-team match against Haiti wasn’t as entertaining as I thought it would be. One of the up-sides of this golden generation of US talent (WAAAAAAAAAAAYYY to early to call it that, I’m a blogger so I’m allowed to be irresponsible) is that our B-team should be better than the team that got thumped 5-0 by Mexico in 2009. There’s a long way to go in this tournament, but we didn’t show much against Haiti.

I think I’m going to start a GoFundMe to buy an accent aigu for Daryl Dike. It’s an easy name -- “Dee-KAY” -- but it looks weird every time I type it. Maybe we could help Daryl by grabbing that superfluous mark that’s in the middle of “Pokémon” -- really, Pokémon, you’re for kids (and stunted adults), and you’re not even French, so get over yourself. At any rate: I like what I’ve seen from Dike and am excited to see him tonight.

Lineup:

Hoppe | Dike | Roldan

Bello | Busio | Williamson | Moore

Robinson | Sands | Zimmerman

Turner

Very young lineup. Almost as young as our A-team, which could not go see a rated-R movie together.

Here’s kickoff from Child’s Mercy Park, which is not getting less-weird as a stadium name as I hear it more…

1’ - I’m going to try a new thing here. Playing a small island nation is weird -- Martinique has about 375,000 people, so in the vicinity of 1/1,000th of the U.S. population, and it’s kind of like we’re playing the Bakersfield, California National Team. Plus, these guys are from an island that’s not exactly teeming with economic opportunities, and yet here they are, playing 90 minutes at a high level…I’m saying that I feel weird saying things like “shoddy defending there” or “goalkeeper should have done better”. It seems disrespectful -- these players are working hard. So, in the interest of keeping it positive, I’m going to pepper this match diary with interesting facts and tidbits about Martinique.

5’ - I’m excite to get another look at Busio, who seems like a super-smooth, extremely-skilled player. He should have lots of space to drop into pockets and basically quarterback this game.

13’ - GOAL USA! 1-0. Nice cross from Hoppe, excellent header from Dike. And did you know that Martinique was first settled by the Arawaks, who came from Central America in the first century AD? You do now!

16’ - USA creating lots of chances now -- they seem to have gotten the message that the Haiti match was not good enough. And Canada have a +6 goal differential, so we need to chase that.

18’ - The ref’s uniform is too close in shade to the US uniforms. Twice, I’ve caught him out of the corner of my eye and thought “TACKLE THAT GUY!” But ref’s don’t typically do that.

22’ - GOAL USA! 2-0. Probably an own-goal -- kind of an amazing sombrero backheel, actually. If I’m that player, I tell my kids “I scored off a backheel in the Gold Cup” and leave out the “own goal” part. Good work from Bello, Hoppe, Busio, and Dike to create the goal. And here’s a lovely view of Martinique:

31’ - Williamson pulls down a Martinique player, which leads to a dangerous free kick (that comes to nothing). We’re winning this game, but I wouldn’t say we’re dominating. There’s really something to be said for how weird it is to throw 11 random guys on the field with almost no time to build cohesion and say “OK: play.”

37’ - Nice dribble from Hoppe -- he’s been good so far. I’ll confess: I couldn’t bring myself to watch Hoppe’s Schalke team. I caught them a few times early in the year, and they were just abysmal. I started watching Josh Sargent’s Werder Bremen -- who were also terrible -- and by the time Hoppe was in the lineup, I simply couldn’t add another tragic Bundesliga team with a young American striker to my watch list. There are limits to how much bleak German hopelessness I can tolerate.

44’ - So…the first half is OVER. At minute 44. Huh. Welp: I have NOT seen this before! I’ve watched thousands of soccer matches, I have never seen the first half end at 44 minutes. So…cool to experience something new, I guess. CONCACAF refereeing at its finest!

?HALF TIME?: I normally have half time notes, but…is it half time? It can’t be -- we only started 44 minutes ago. Perhaps Child’s Mercy Park exists in some weird, Einsteinian time anomaly.

49’ - GOAL USA! 3-0. Busio crosses to Robinson, who was wide open four yards out (and Martinique’s flag features an Aliger gigas shell, commonly called “lambi”). This game is now officially about running down Canada’s goal difference.

58’ - GOAL DIKE! 4-0. That’s a great goal from Dike -- speed, strength, touch…come on, Fulham, buy this guy. Dike is definitely making his case to be the top striker on this roster.

62’ - PK for Martinique! Bad stuff from Acosta, who came on as a sub: He got wrong-side, then compounded the error by pulling the attacker down. That looked like one of those “quick, foul him before he gets into the box” fouls, but he was already in the box.

63’ - GOAL MARTINIQUE! 4-1. Nicely-taken PK, and as we saw in the Euros: PKs are not easy. So, now we have to score seven to catch Canada.

69’ - GOAL USA! 5-1. Good pass from Sands, good turn from Roldan, very good strike from Zardes (who just came on). Okay, we need two more. And the lambi is an emblematic shell of the Antilles that is used as a traditional musical instrument. 

73’ - US creating a ton of chances, but Martinique’s goalkeeper is making some quality saves. If we hadn’t sleepwalked against Haiti, we’d be cruising right now.

77’ - National team debut for DC United’s Donovan Pines! I’m a big Pines backer, though I’m biased because he’s a DC homegrown with local ties (his dad is the president of the University of Maryland). Also, he has an A-plus name: PINES. And he’s tall, like a pine tree, get it? It’s like if Ronaldo was named Cristiano Douchebag.

90’ - GOAL USA! 6-1. Nicholas Giochiciannicci (I’ve given up on spelling that name) finally gets one after coming close several times! Can we get one more goal to win the group?

FULL TIME: No, we can’t. This 6-1 win feels slightly disappointing. I can’t help but wonder if we would have scored in the phantom minute that we lost at the end of the first half. But still: A much better performance.

Player ratings:

Turner: 6.5. Actually had to make a few real saves, and he made them. Good first two games -- we’ll see how he does against Canada, which seems like a soccer colossus after Haiti and Martinique.

Robinson: 6.5. Solid defensively, decent with the ball at his feet, well-taken goal.

Sands: 7. Sands really impressed me: His passing out of the back was great. We should pay more attention to the offensive aspect of a defenders’ job -- if you can play a clean ball from the back to start a move, that’s worth a lot. It’s not all 15-yard square balls (or at least shouldn’t be).

Zimmerman: 5.5. Pretty good, though a bit loose at times. I wonder if he’ll play against Canada -- that would be three games in a little more than a week.

Bello: 5. Industrious, but not dangerous. Service was lacking.

Busio: 6.5. He reminds me of Gio Reyna in that it’s hard to believe a teenager is that confident on the ball. Or that confident at anything -- I was afraid to ask a waiter for ketchup at that age.

Williamson: 4.5. Not his best game -- touch was a bit loose at times. But it’s worth remembering that he’s a young player who’s new to the national team.

Moore: 5. Another “well he start against Canada?” guy. I think he will: This roster is light on right backs (unless Cannon gets healthy).

Hoppe: 7. Not bad at all -- really showed some skill. If Arriola is badly hurt (God I hope he isn’t), he could see a lot of minutes.

Roldan: 7. I probably don’t give Christian Roldan enough love; fans don’t get excited about players who aren’t young, big-upside guys. But every team needs guys who are consistently good, and he is.

Dike: 8.5. Seized his opportunity. More please!

Acosta: 3.5. Is the plan to use him at right back (or wing-back) regularly on this team? I’m a fan of the central-midfield-to-right-back conversion, but it usually takes time. At any rate: That was a bad penalty. If we tie Canada and play Mexico in the semi-final, that will end up being a big moment.

Zardes: 7. Dike was good, but Zardes was, too. We got ourselves a good-ol’-fashioned striker-off, folks!

Gnocchi-Zucchini: 7. You could say he “missed” a few quality chances, but I would say that he put some good shots on frame and the ‘keeper saved them. This is a deontologist soccer column, not a consequentialist one.

Yueill: NR. Wasn’t on the field long enough for a rating.

Pines: 8. Came on the same time as Yueill, but I am biased.