USA vs. Costa Rica Match Diary & Player Ratings

T'was a leisurely kickaround among gentlemen

When people talk about our World Cup qualifying failure, they always talk about the Trinidad & Tobago match. But maybe as important was the three points we dropped at home against Costa Rica. That was 2017, but it seems like a million years ago: Clint Dempsey started that game. Jorge Villafana started that game. Tab Ramos started that game. Okay Tab Ramos did not but still: Clint Dempsey started that game.

The only players from that 2-0 loss who are still in the mix are Ream, Pulisic, and my fellow ACL-tear brothers Arriola and Morris (solidarity!). I’m not counting Jozy Altidore, who is currently traveling the world searching for new ways to pull his hamstring. The team has changed a ton in four years, and it seems to be more than just the typical post-bad-World-Cup thing where they put all the players on a barge and then sink it. This change is mostly because the young guys are actually good.

Here’s tonight’s lineup. No Matt Miazga because he’s getting married tomorrow, so congrats to him, and I’m sure that a tossed-off “congrats” from some jackass with a Substack will really make his day.

Weah | Dike | Aaronson

Lletget | Adams | Musah

Robinson | Ream | McKenzie | Cannon

Horvath

Most of the players from the Mexico match get a rest, but even so, there are a lot of promising players in this team. In fact, this lineup is basically “exciting young players and Tim Ream” (no offense to Ream - he’s just a known entity at this point).

Here’s kickoff with a couple thousand fans in attendance and a couple thousand “gotta wait and see about the vaccine” fans not in attendance…

2’ - My first impression is that several of our talented little kids look older. Aaronson is filling out; he could probably get into a rated-R movie without an ID at this point. Weah used to be skinny as a rail but French food seems to be serving him well. Dike looks like he could enter an MMA tournament and win.

7’ - GOAL USA!!! Brendan Aaronson finishes a nice move from Dike and Robinson! Aaronson is kind of the forgotten prospect on a team full of prospects, but he’s succeeded everywhere he’s played so far. It’ll be interesting to see what his ceiling is.

13’ - Shot from Weah forces a save! Very good start - Weah looks wide awake. Everyone’s getting into the attack.

18’ - Right now, we’re completely in control of this game. Tyler Adams helps - that guy is ball-possession-in-a-can.

27’ - We’re at a point in the game where I would like some information about Costa Rica. Is this their A-team? I’ve seen us play Costa Rica 100 million times; it’s never this one-sided. Do they have a full team? Are there Covid absences? Is this one of those things like when we play Cuba and 12 guys defect and their communications director starts in goal?

37’ - Hot take: I would not mind being the lie-down-behind-the-wall guy. I hated being in walls because either you’re irrelevant (waste of my time), you get hit with the ball (no fun), or you flinch (worst pain there is). If you’re lying behind the wall facing the goal, you’ve already taken genital impact off the table, which is HUGE. And beyond that, you’re just sticking your ass out there and leaving the rest to fate. And isn’t that really the best way to approach life?

41’ - GOAL USA! McKenzie feeds Dike, who scores with an EXTREMELY cool finish. He explored all of his options there - he thought about a touch, then a shot, then maybe playing in Aaronson, then he pondered his dinner options, then thought about the value of a postgraduate degree from the University of Phoenix, then pondered the math behind the Fermi paradox, and eventually slotted home.

45’ - Ridiculous skill form Aaronson, but Musah can’t quite get there for the finish. Unlucky for Aaronson - if that’s a goal, it definitely makes Sportcenter, but now probably not.

HALF TIME. Well that was a comfortable, controlled first half - a nice come-down after the insanity of Sunday’s match. The Mexico game had the intensity of the Russian roulette scene from The Deer Hunter; this fame has the languid serenity of a preseason cricket match.

51’ - GOAL USA! Reggie Cannon showing the kind of skill that you don’t normally expect/get from a right back! If he keeps making plays like that in Portugal, he’ll eventually get a cool, one-name nickname (Reggino?).

65’ - Costa Rica have a shot! That’s good. I have watched DC United games where they don’t register a shot, and I wouldn’t wish that on any fan anywhere in the world.

69’ - I haven’t seen Dike much because this was an odd-numbered year, so Fulham were in the Premier League and I wasn’t watching the Championship. But I like what I see! He’s using his size to hold up the ball and also has the speed to stretch the defense.

74’ - Alright, it’s a friendly, it’s 3-0, it looks like we’ve got a line change coming in a minute…it’s the part of the match diary where I comment on uniforms and hair. Hair first: Are our center backs planning on starting a ‘70s jam band? Ream and Zimmerman look like two dudes I’d see on a faded album cover in my parents’ attic. Now uniforms: I like our simple, understated unis (and the pride month stripes are a nice touch). I think white-blue-white is the “classic” US look; all-white looks generic, too much red doesn’t look like us. And thank God they updated the crest.

76’ - Penalty kick! Reyna is fouled, and now he’s going to take the kick. And he…rolls it home with a casualness befitting this match. This match is so RELAXING. This match is basically sitting in a rocker on a wrap-around porch, fanning itself, sipping lemonade and opining that the magnolias do look oh-so-colorful this year. So leisurely.

90’ - Well this is bad: Siebatcheu is down. The last thing you want in a match like this is an injury. At this point, the match should be played under rec league rules: Stay on your feet, don’t challenge hard in the air, and any running faster than a light canter is considered rude.

Full time: 4-0 USA. Welp: This American team is better than that Costa Rican team. But how will the teams measure up in qualifying?

Player ratings:

Horvath: 5.5. For the record: If he had been hung over from Sunday night, he had every right to be. As it happened, Costa Rica barely tested him.

Robinson: 4. I’m a big Antonee Robinson fan, he was great for Fulham this year, but his passing was sloppy again tonight.

Ream: 6.5. Good game from the veteran center back/Allman Brothers tribute band bassist.

McKenzie: 6.5. Played in all four games over the break (so not really a break at all) and played his way into the conversation at center back. It’s pretty much open auditions at center back after Brooks.

Cannon: 7. Taylor Twellman hinted that Cannon might move from Boavista this summer. I’d love to see that because even during quarantine I did not quite get desperate enough to watch Portuguese league matches.

Adams: 7. Solid as a rock, sound as a pound, thick as a brick. I think every formation Berhalter considers should start with the McKennie/Adams engine room and work from there.

Musah: 5. He hasn’t played much recently, and he looked a little rusty. But not to worry, he’s still, what…12? 13? Very young.

Lletget: 5.5. Lletget’s not fun to talk about because he’s 28 (gross!) and doesn’t play for a European powerhouse, but he’s versatile and almost never has a bad game.

Weah: 5. Started brightly but faded. I could do without the “circle your foot over the ball” move - has anyone ever fallen for the “circle your foot over the ball” move? I mean, I fall for it in rec league, but do actual real players fall for it?

Aaronson: 7.5. He’s got great instincts and touch, and he’s become more competitive in the physical side of the game now that he weighs more than 100 pounds.

Dike: 6.5. I think I’ll start a GoFundMe for Fulham to buy Daryl Dike. Come on, Fulham fans - if we all kick in $10, no more Ivan Cavaleiro at striker!

SUBS:

Zimmerman: 6. Glad he got on - if you call a guy and make him drop everything and fly to Utah, you’ve got it make it worth his time. It’s not like he’d make the trip just to enjoy that legendary Salt Lake City night life.

All other subs: no rating. The game was basically a kickaround by the time we brought these guys on.

The referee: 8. We should take note every time a CONCACAF referee isn’t terrible, and this guy did just fine!

D.C. United’s Joseph Mora, who was playing for Costa Rica: 10. He didn’t get hurt, which is exactly what I wanted to see from him.