Oh FUCK Yes: The National Conversation About Zoning is ON, Bitches!!!

Strap in, dickheads!

Brace yourselves, cucks. Pull up your socks and grab some fucking popcorn. Put away your teddy bear and buy that yogurt-maker you’ve been looking at online. Dress a horse in capri pants and lock your deformed stepson in the basement, ‘cause we’re about to talk about goddamned, motherfucking ZONING!!!

It’s the piece I pitched for years but could never get on Last Week Tonight; it was deemed too boring for a show that -- I shit you not -- almost did a 20-minute piece on school lunch. Even though I would argue -- hell, I’m about to argue, so put on a cup, Nancy Drew -- that zoning has the highest impact-to-attention ratio of any issue in American politics.

It’s hard to think of a major issue in American politics that zoning doesn’t touch. Class mobility? Check. Education? Duh. Climate change? Hells yes. Homelessness? You know it, asswipe. Racial inequality? F’in a, Gramps. Difficult to quantify quality-of-life considerations?

Let's get this party fuckin' KRUNK: Let's address Richard Kahlenberg's recent op-ed in the New York Times.