IMBW Debate: New York is the Greatest City in the World! vs. New York is One of the Places You Can Live.
Jeff Maurer debates Younger, Dumber Jeff Maurer
Younger, Dumber Jeff Maurer: New York is one of the world’s great cities! A cultural crossroads, it draws inspiration from every corner of the globe — little exists on Earth that can’t be found in New York! The beating heart of humanity can be felt in the hustle and bustle of the streets, the vibrant din of 10 million stories combining to create a symphony of possibilities. The most authentic experiences to be had in life can be found in New York!
Jeff Maurer: Jesus, where to start? Well, first: You write like a total jerk-off, but we’ll back-burner that for now.
But, yes, it is objectively true that New York is one of the world’s great cities, in that it is large. It’s the 45th largest in the world, though any New Yorker will loudly tell you that it actually ranks first when it comes to pizza/bagels/bridges/pigeons/mailboxes/rocks or literally anything else. It does have a great deal of “bustle” and “din”, which mostly consists of jackhammers, road rage incidents, and ambulance sirens echoing through the five boroughs at ear-splitting levels. Honestly, 60 percent of the din is people experiencing the single worst moment of their lives. And if it’s din that you’re after, you should have considered Kirachi, Pakistan (twice the population!).
It is true that most things that exist in the world can be found in New York. And here are some of those things:
A landlord who steals your security deposit because he knows that it costs more to sue than it does to eat the loss;
A puddle of vomit that sits in an elevator so long that it dries;
A dental hygienist who uses every visit as a chance to push hard to get you into crypto;
An Elmo in Times Square who says “motherfucker” much more than Elmo does on PBS;
An abandoned wheelchair on which someone has spray-painted “EAT ASS”;
Rats making love so unabashedly on a subway platform that it seems like a performance art piece.