I Would Happily Vote for a Couch-Fucker With the Right Policies
I wish that person was running!
J.D. Vance is a man whose “self-interested asshole” vibes are so intense that aliens will probably detect them rippling through space billions of years from now. The optimal anti-J.D. Vance attack ad is any video of J.D. Vance. And that’s why it’s weird that Twitter has invented a slander against J.D. Vance from scratch. It started with a Twitter user making a joke about Hillbilly Elegy containing an admission that Vance fucked a latex glove placed between two couch cushions (in case you were wondering about the logistics). This led to Global Open Mic Night on social media, with every aspiring comedian, wacky aunt, and half-competent AI bot posting more couch-related content than Ikea has produced in a decade.
Count me among the killjoys who think that this is all pretty dumb. I don’t like comedy that consists of 1) Inventing an outrageous thing, and then 2) Riffing off of the outrageous thing as if it was real (I’ve complained about this phenomenon before). I’m also imagining how rightfully outraged the left would be if right-wing trolls started a rumor about Kamala Harris letting a dog lick peanut butter off her asshole; I’m getting mentally exhausted just imagining all the scowly think-pieces about how that rumor is sexist and racist. But maybe worst of all, this isn’t even original trolling: The “Catherine the Great died having sex with a horse” rumor is over 200 years old. So, this is a not-as-good version of a centuries-old bit whose practitioners are putting themselves on the same moral plane as 18th-century British tabloid journalists.